Interview rehearsal

A complete flowchart for an interview that has not happened yet, with a nod to a certain television rehearsal. Follow the branches in order. The steps are numbered, just not in the order anyone expects.

1. Step 1. Arrive eleven minutes early. Wait outside until nine minutes early. The weather is dry.

   • If the receptionist smiles, go to 2a.
   • If the receptionist smiles slightly less, go to 2b.

2. Step 2a. Say good morning once. Do not say it twice.

   • If they say good morning back, go to 3.
   • If they say it slightly later than expected, go to 3b.

3. Step 2b. Say good morning, then pause for one beat.

   • If the pause lasts two beats, go to 2a.
   • If the pause lasts one beat, go to 3.

4. Step 3. Sit down. The interviewer's pen is blue. Do not comment on the pen.

   • If they click the pen, go to 4a.
   • If they do not click the pen, go to 4b.

5. Step 3b. Sit down slightly later than planned. Comment on nothing.

   • If always, go to 4b.

6. Step 4a. Answer the first question in under ninety seconds. Lead with the conclusion.

   • If they nod, go to 5.
   • If they nod slightly less, go to 4c.

7. Step 4b. Answer the first question in about ninety seconds. Lead with the conclusion, and leave a gap for the nod.

   • If they nod, go to 5.

8. Step 4c. Restate the conclusion, one notch warmer.

   • If they nod, go to 5.
   • If they nod slightly less than before, go to 4a.

9. Step 5. Ask a question about the team. The chair is the low one. Hold eye contact for exactly as long as is normal.

   • If they answer, go to 6.
   • If they answer with a question, go to 5.

10. Step 6. Thank them and leave. Review the rehearsal. If the review is longer than the rehearsal, go to step 1.